Highest Highs to Lowest Lows

There have been times in my life where I have experienced some of the most spiritual experiences in my life; firesides, temple visits, testimony meetings, member visits, etc.  It has been awesome!  I come home after that and feel so high on the spirit that I feel as if I can do anything.  I always recommit myself at that point to do better in following the commandments and in serving others.  It seems that nothing can go wrong at that point and I thank my Heavenly Father for the great blessings I have received, then the most unusual thing happens.  I get a very strong desire to look at pornography. Why would that happen?  It is to the point where 99% of the time I cannot resist and fall back into the cycle. 

If you can imagine or maybe have felt the spiritual high I described above, can you imagine the low I feel after falling that far after returning to the cycle of pornography?

What do you think?  Why does this happen, does it happen to others or am I alone in this?

Something to thing about…

Focus on the Important Things

Having that focus makes a hung difference.  Here is the list of the most important things to me that help me stay focused: 

• Being there for my family
• Being worthy of the Priesthood of God
• Being worthy of the Spirit of God
• Being worthy to perform ordinances (blessings, baptisms of my kids, ordinations to the priesthood for my boys, etc.)
• Being worthy to enter the temple of God
• Being able to be with my wife in the eternities

This way, my mind stays focused and doesn’t wander into strange paths.

What is on your list?  What do you do to help keep your mind focused on the important things?

Apology…

I would like to apologize to anyone who might be following this blog, hoping for some help or insight into helping themselves with their pornography addiction.  I have not been very good at keeping up on this blog.  I’m going to do better.  I know how much it helps others to hear about others’ experiences on overcoming a pornography addiction. 

Today, let me just share a link to a blog post by Mark Kastleman, the co-founder of Candeo.

Pornography and the Mole Crickets

This article describes exactly what is happening in our society today.  The question is: “How much damage will the underground mole crickets of porn inflict before we take it all seriously?”

Source: Candeo

Forgiveness

For all those who may be reading this post, I apologize for the long break between posts.  It has been a very stressful time.   It has only been two months but in some ways it has felt like an eternity.   I have had a handful of slip ups over these last two months.  I would contribute that more to having less of an opportunity to view pornography than of my own will to change.  Don't get me wrong, I do have a will to change.  I want to change more than anything.  I want this yoke removed from me.  I frequently feel that it is pulling me down and I am unable to progress or fully understand what my full potential is because of it.  This weakness is a great burden and I hope and pray each day that the Lord will take it from me.  

I have made progess.  The last two times I have slipped, I have taken the more difficult road, especially for me, and told my wife the same day that it happened.  She is truly the most understanding and supportive person I know.  How many wives would stick with their husbands through something like this?  I love her more than anything.  It is because of her and the kids that I continue to fight this.  

My most recent slip up was this morning.  I told me wife and asked for her for her forgiveness.  On my way to work, a thought hit me.  I realized the amazing power of forgiveness part of repentance.  I was in a very dark and cloudy mood after I slipped.  I was feeling guilty and feeling sorry for myself.  After asking for forgiveness from my wife, it was almost as if a veil was lifted or a weight was taken off my shoulders.   After thinking about that while driving to work, I realized that don't have to rely upon myself to over come this.  Christ gave us the answer: "Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." (Matthew 11:28-30)