General Conference

What a spiritually uplifting weekend.  I have discovered that I always get re-motivated in my battle against pornography after watching General Conference.  It just gives you that push and desire that you need.  I end up  doing better in my callings, spend more time reading scriptures and saying my prayers on a consistent basis, and all in all just a better person.  The problem is I have yet found a way to continue that strength of General Conference over the next six months.  In fact, by the time Conference rolls around again, I have lost my way again and fallen in to the trap of pornography.  I need to figure out what it takes to do that and I think this Conference did just that.

Serving Others
I learned that serving others can have a great impact on your ability to overcome temptation.  By serving others, you are also serving God. (Mosiah 3:16) By serving God you are allowing His spirit to be a part of your lives.  Allowing the Spirit in to our minds and our hearts strengthens us to withstand temptation.

Prayer
Praying makes a huge difference in our ability to withstand temptation.  As we pray every morning and every night and have a prayer always in our hearts, our Father in Heaven will be with us always, especially when we need him the most. (Alma 34:27, 39-41)

Scriptures
Reading the scriptures has great power, especially reading the Book of Mormon.  If you have the opportunity, read the October issue of the Ensign magazine.  It is all about the Book of Mormon with talks in it from President Ezra Taft Benson and Elder David A. Bednar, just to name a few.  It really helped me realize more of the importance in reading the Book of Mormon.  Not just reading it though, it is more about studying it, feasting upon it, where we really understand the power of the scriptures.  By studying it out and applying what we learn into our lives, we gain knowledge from on high which also directs us where we should go.

The amazing thing about General Conference is that no one ever gets the same thing out of conference as some one else.  You may not have even noticed anything about the three things I mentioned above but because of what I learned, I'm hoping that I will be able to stay on the straight and narrow and not have to hang on to the side of the cliff or pull myself out the lake I fell in.

I know this post a few weeks late but hopefully it will help in some way.

Have an awesome day!

Wax Strong in the Spirit

Since my last post I have been clean both body and mind.  I have not had any desire to look at pornography.   I have been studying in the scriptures about the Spirit.  I prayed this morning to learn more about how to receive the Spirit stronger in my life.  I read in the scriptures about the story of Alma the elder and when he was teaching the people during the reign of King Noah.  He taught them something that I had not noticed before.  In Mosiah 18:26 Alma teaches, "[a]nd the priests were not to depend upon the people for their support; but for their labor they were to receive the grace of God, that they might wax strong in the Spirit, having the knowledge of God, that they might teach with power and authority from God." (emphasis added)  I had always looked at the section of that verse that talked about the priests not receiving any support from the people.  It was next part that surprised me, "for their labor they were to receive the grace of God, that they might wax strong in the Spirit."  You must labor in the kingdom for the opportunity to receive the Spirit stronger in your life.  I testify that is true.  

Examples of the strength of Spirit
Let's look at some examples of this for a minute.  

Missionaries
Today, we had a returned missionary speak in sacrament meeting.  For the missionary who is obedient to the mission rules and follows the counsel of God and their Mission President, the Spirit is stronger in them then most any other person on earth.  They have their whole "might, mind, and strength" focused on the work of the Lord, on building the kingdom of God on earth.  I could see this in the face and hear it in the words of the returned missionary as he spoke.  He gave examples of experiences that required great faith and required the Spirit to be very strong with him to be guided to do some of the things and perform some of the miracles which were done during his missionary service.


The Leaders of the Church
The one group of people that compare in the strength of the Spirit to the missionaries are our leaders.  Just look at the Prophet and the Apostles.  Their focus in on building the kingdom of God.  As they spend tireless hours working towards this end, the Spirit of God grows stronger and stronger in them each and everyday.  As I did with the returned missionary I heard today, you can see and hear how strong the Spirit is in our leaders when you watch General Conference.  We will all have an opportunity to be a part of this next weekend.


Jesus Christ
Jesus Christ is the ultimate example of this.  He devoted his whole life to building His Father's kingdom as it is His kingdom as well.  He labored unceasingly to do His Father's will.  The Holy Ghost was so strong with the Savior that He always knew what the will of His Father was and had the strength to do it, no matter what the cost.


If we are truly to be able to have the strength to overcome the addiction to pornography and do our Father's will, we must have the Spirit with us.  In order to have the Spirit with us, we must labor in the vineyard.  By laboring in the vineyard, the Spirit will grow stronger and stronger in us which we will enable us to overcome temptation.  


We cannot do it alone.  Only with the help of God through the influence of the Holy Spirit can we reach our potential and overcome our addiction.

Remember, Remember...

I almost forgot, or maybe tried to forget, about this blog.  A comment that was left on my last blog post helped to bring it back to my memory.  I also remembered why I started this blog in the first place.  I needed this blog so I can share my triumphs and my failures and to get comments from other people, as in the latest comment that was posted.  I have felt that it is a responsibility of mine to help others (and myself) overcome the addiction to pornography.  I have not been doing my job.  The important thing for me is that I follow the promptings of the Spirit.  As I do that, the Spirit will grow stronger within me.  That Spirit is what will allow me to withstand and eventually overcome my addiction to pornography. 

Highest Highs to Lowest Lows

There have been times in my life where I have experienced some of the most spiritual experiences in my life; firesides, temple visits, testimony meetings, member visits, etc.  It has been awesome!  I come home after that and feel so high on the spirit that I feel as if I can do anything.  I always recommit myself at that point to do better in following the commandments and in serving others.  It seems that nothing can go wrong at that point and I thank my Heavenly Father for the great blessings I have received, then the most unusual thing happens.  I get a very strong desire to look at pornography. Why would that happen?  It is to the point where 99% of the time I cannot resist and fall back into the cycle. 

If you can imagine or maybe have felt the spiritual high I described above, can you imagine the low I feel after falling that far after returning to the cycle of pornography?

What do you think?  Why does this happen, does it happen to others or am I alone in this?

Something to thing about…

Focus on the Important Things

Having that focus makes a hung difference.  Here is the list of the most important things to me that help me stay focused: 

• Being there for my family
• Being worthy of the Priesthood of God
• Being worthy of the Spirit of God
• Being worthy to perform ordinances (blessings, baptisms of my kids, ordinations to the priesthood for my boys, etc.)
• Being worthy to enter the temple of God
• Being able to be with my wife in the eternities

This way, my mind stays focused and doesn’t wander into strange paths.

What is on your list?  What do you do to help keep your mind focused on the important things?

Apology…

I would like to apologize to anyone who might be following this blog, hoping for some help or insight into helping themselves with their pornography addiction.  I have not been very good at keeping up on this blog.  I’m going to do better.  I know how much it helps others to hear about others’ experiences on overcoming a pornography addiction. 

Today, let me just share a link to a blog post by Mark Kastleman, the co-founder of Candeo.

Pornography and the Mole Crickets

This article describes exactly what is happening in our society today.  The question is: “How much damage will the underground mole crickets of porn inflict before we take it all seriously?”

Source: Candeo

Forgiveness

For all those who may be reading this post, I apologize for the long break between posts.  It has been a very stressful time.   It has only been two months but in some ways it has felt like an eternity.   I have had a handful of slip ups over these last two months.  I would contribute that more to having less of an opportunity to view pornography than of my own will to change.  Don't get me wrong, I do have a will to change.  I want to change more than anything.  I want this yoke removed from me.  I frequently feel that it is pulling me down and I am unable to progress or fully understand what my full potential is because of it.  This weakness is a great burden and I hope and pray each day that the Lord will take it from me.  

I have made progess.  The last two times I have slipped, I have taken the more difficult road, especially for me, and told my wife the same day that it happened.  She is truly the most understanding and supportive person I know.  How many wives would stick with their husbands through something like this?  I love her more than anything.  It is because of her and the kids that I continue to fight this.  

My most recent slip up was this morning.  I told me wife and asked for her for her forgiveness.  On my way to work, a thought hit me.  I realized the amazing power of forgiveness part of repentance.  I was in a very dark and cloudy mood after I slipped.  I was feeling guilty and feeling sorry for myself.  After asking for forgiveness from my wife, it was almost as if a veil was lifted or a weight was taken off my shoulders.   After thinking about that while driving to work, I realized that don't have to rely upon myself to over come this.  Christ gave us the answer: "Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." (Matthew 11:28-30)