It is amazing to me that no matter how much a person might know (namely myself) about pornography and how to fight it. It doesn't make it any easier to stop looking at it. I guess I did make some progress though. I have done extremely well since my last post, which was on Sunday, October 12, 2008. I think part of that was due to the strong impact that my answered prayer had on me and part due to the fact that for half the week I was on vacation at my parents and at the in-laws where there was little to no access to the internet. Today was my first day back to work since last Wednesday. I was tired and probably bored, trying to think of something to do before I left for home. That caused my eyes and mind to wander. I looked for about ten minutes at what I consider soft porn. There was no nudity but there was women what very little clothing on.
I was beginning to go down that funnel and starting thinking about other websites I could go to that would give me the information I desired. I then had another thought. I needed to pull myself out of this funnel immediately. I went to my blog and watched the video "I Know That My Redeemer Lives" from YouTube that was on my last post. It is amazing how the Holy Spirit overpowered the weakness of the flesh. I came out of the funnel and an immediate impression that I needed to post this experience. In some way, I pray that this experience can give others hope that there is a chance for anyone to slowly but surely overcome and change your brain's habits from sexual addiction to something more wholesome and good.
I was beginning to go down that funnel and starting thinking about other websites I could go to that would give me the information I desired. I then had another thought. I needed to pull myself out of this funnel immediately. I went to my blog and watched the video "I Know That My Redeemer Lives" from YouTube that was on my last post. It is amazing how the Holy Spirit overpowered the weakness of the flesh. I came out of the funnel and an immediate impression that I needed to post this experience. In some way, I pray that this experience can give others hope that there is a chance for anyone to slowly but surely overcome and change your brain's habits from sexual addiction to something more wholesome and good.
2 comments:
Addicts have a tendency to really kick themselves when they make mistakes. It's one thing to feel regret for sinning and quite another to feel like you are a worthless piece of scum. The latter, would be what the adversary screams in your ear every time you fall.
As long as you're going to kick yourself for your mistakes, do you pat yourself on the back when you succeed? I knew a guy that kept a little 3x6 card with him. Every time he felt that he failed he put a check mark on one side of the card. Every time he felt that he made some progress he checked the other side of the card. He was amazed at the times he fought back against the urge to act out in his addiction but didn't.
If temptations go through your mind and you kick them out faster than normal, that is a victory, and you need to give yourself a pat on the back for it.
Hang in there. Recovery is possible.
Great job on listening to the promptings of the spirit and following them immediately. In my own life, I've found when I do that, I have great protection from the Lord.
I am also a firm believer that openness and honesty strangles an addiction. By being open on your blog about your struggles, you took another step towards stomping out your addiction.
Great job, and thanks for the postings of hope. It is great for all of us to hear.
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